If you find yourself struggling to get a girlfriend and wondering why, then look no further. There are several reasons you might be having difficulty understanding ladies, and frankly, a lot of them are things you might not realise you’re wrong about. There’s a reason so many old sayings claim that men and women are completely different – there’s a reason that book “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” is a bestseller. The truth is, while we’re all human and we all want the same basic things, the way men and women think can be vastly different. Read on for some choice thoughts on dating from real women – you might just learn something helpful!
Not all women want the same thing.
It sounds stupid to say it but it’s surprising how often guys make the mistake of thinking all women are the same. We’re not. Just like you and your buddies have different priorities in life, so do all the women you meet. Going into every date or meeting thinking that this girl will be just like the last one is the dumbest mistake you could make. Just because a girl you used to date liked flowers and crochet doesn’t mean the one you just got a number from likes those things. And in the same way, don’t assume that every woman you meet is looking for a casual relationship, or looking to settle down, or wants children, or is on a schedule to get married. Sure, your last relationship might have been quite serious and you might be looking for something that’s going to last, but if you make the mistake of assuming that your prospective girlfriend thinks like you expect her to “because she’s a woman and women want ____”, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. We’re sorry, but we’re just not that simple. You’re going to have to actually get to know us and ask us questions rather than make assumptions. There’s no magical formula for what women want, no matter how much easier it would probably be!
We do care what you look like!
No, we don’t mean that you have to be a supermodel or the reincarnation of Adonis. But just like you guys appreciate a woman that makes an effort, and you think beautiful women are great to look at, and you maybe aspire to having a beautiful girlfriend of your own; we care too. Do you think a woman wants to take great care of her own appearance for a date only to turn up and be met by a guy who hasn’t shaved and who looks like he’s wearing a suit he borrowed from his father? Yes, we argue that when you judge us based solely upon our appearance, it’s unfair and shallow. And yes, you could say that us doing the same thing to you is just as bad. But the tough truth for everyone, men and women alike, is that first impressions count. You might not get the chance to showcase your fantastic sense of humour and your impressive intelligence if your appearance repels the girl you’re trying to date. We don’t want or expect Brad Pitt, but if you don’t look like you’ve made an effort, we probably won’t make an effort to learn more about you. Personality is more important than looks, always – good looks fade over time and if that’s all you have going for you, you’ll be lonely in the future – but you need to be able to get to the point where you can showcase your personality. Make the effort. We know you expect us to do it, so the same should apply to you. If your friends lack style, don’t take advice from them – Google is your friend. Spend some time looking up ways to make the most of what you have. Get a haircut. Invest in a nice shirt. You don’t need to be a fashion guru and you don’t need a tuxedo, and we’re not asking you to be self-conscious either. It’s just not difficult to show that you’re trying to make a good impression, and what we want is to know that you take care of yourself. If you care enough to make an effort on how you look, it shows that you can take that kind of care in other aspects of your life. In other words, it goes some way to prove you’re not a slob that we’re going to have to wash and dress! If you look really good when we’re with you, or if you work out to take care of yourself even better…or if you really do look like Brad Pitt? That’s just a bonus.
We don’t care about money, not really.
Alright, maybe some of us do. Us sitting here saying that there aren’t gold diggers out there is untrue. There are probably some women who care more about money than anything else, but they’re in the minority and frankly you shouldn’t bother trying to date them anyway. The average woman really doesn’t mind what you earn or whether you own fancy things. It’s nice to be treated sometimes and we love to do the same for you – birthdays, Christmas, that sort of thing. And we’re never going to be annoyed that you splashed out on some flowers. But it’s never ever necessary to wave your money around for our sakes. Flashing your cash around isn’t all that impressive, and it’s certainly not interesting in the long run. Sure, a grand gesture will probably catch anyone’s attention, but it’s superficial. There’s no substance to it, nothing lasting. If money really could buy you love, there wouldn’t be any single rich people, would there?
We’re not stuck in primitive times where we need you to prove that you’re capable of looking after us. This is the modern age – we have jobs and mortgages of our own, so don’t worry about the state of your finances as far as we’re concerned. We’re happy going dutch on a date, we like inexpensive activities, we understand the current economy. You look after your own money and we’ll look after ours; there is no need for extravagant gestures to impress us. We care more about you as a person than the size of your wallet, and it’s kind of insulting to be thought of as so shallow that we need a constant reminder of your level of wealth. We want your time, your affection and your loyalty, in whatever form that takes, just the same as you want from us. Spend your time on us, not your money.
So, there were a few tips to get you started and get you thinking. But really, it all comes down to mindfulness. Be yourself around women, show them the respect that you want other people to show you, treat them like real people rather than some mystical creature that you can’t quite get hold of. Make an effort but keep it real – nobody likes a faker or a show-off. And don’t overthink things! Getting stressed out won’t help you at all. There are so many girls out there, finding one you like and who likes you isn’t hard, and if you treat her like a normal person chances are she’ll stick around.