It is inevitable that relationships wax and wane. When you start out in a new relationship, everything is fresh and exciting. You are constantly learning new things about each other, exploring life together, and having more and more fun on a daily basis. But as you get past those first few months, relationships gradually settle into more routine and that initial frisson of excitement dies off.
It is at this point that most relationships fail. That is because humans do not really like boredom. We want things to be constantly new, novel and exciting, and we want life to always throw up surprises. This means that people, especially men, think that once that initial spark has gone, the relationship has died and it is time to move on. For women, this can be devastating, as it is only at this point that you are really starting to get to know each other.
If you are worried that you boyfriend is starting to lose interest though, it doesn’t have to signal the end. In fact, as long as you can navigate these rocky waterways, you relationship can come out of it much stronger than before, and ready for your future together.
Understand It Isn’t Your Fault
This is the first thing to get into your head. Just because he does not want to have sex every night and is constantly lusting after you does not mean that you have done anything wrong or that he wants to move on. It happens in every relationship. That initial flurry or romance and adventure has to ebb away over time, and we all settle into a routine.
Unfortunately this is the point that our emotions often catch up with us, as does doubt. It is this doubt that can become a problem. Instead of you offering him sex all the time, now you are questioning him and arguing more. This puts him on the defensive and makes you look like a harridan. It is this then that pulls the relationship apart, rather than any problems to start with.
Everyone wants a beautifully romantic, passionate, and erotic relationship, and for it to run every day and forever, but that is not the real world. Once you understand the inevitability of the relationship calming down after a few months, or even years if you are lucky, you can start to see this time for what it is – the transition into the next, stronger phase of your relationship.
Concentrate On Yourself
A great thing to do at this point is to stop worrying about him, and starting thinking about yourself. What you should do at this point is to start thinking about what you really want in life and how to get it. Perhaps you are not entirely invested in the relationship and want to move on? If so, then this is the time to do it. As you do transition into the next phase, you are both becoming more emotionally connected and bonded, and the bond will be harder to break the more you stay. If you want to leave, now is the time to do so. But if you do not, then really do think about yourself, and what you want in your life.
Make Him Want You
It is a truism that once in a relationship, people start to let themselves go. Again, it is inevitable. People get into a rut and start to put on a few pounds. Also, whereas it might be that you would turn up at his apartment in a long coat, high heels, and nothing else, it might be that now you are more likely to great him at the door in sweat pants and uggs.
It can be nice to be comfortable together, but it is important that a relationship finds the right balance between comfort and passion. You need time for both. This is why I always recommend any couple set up both a lounge night and a date night, ideally once a week.
On the lounge night, anything goes. You can sit in your pants, eat Cheetos and drink beer while watching Elf, if that is what you want. By having an evening like this together once a week, it makes sure that you leave this slobbery to just this one night and that it doesn’t seep so much into every night of the week.