Tag Archives: Dating Advice

How To Know When The Time Is Right To Start Dating Again

If you have been through a difficult break up then it can be difficult to decide when you are ready to start dating again. A lot of people will try and force you before you are ready, and if you listen to those people than you might make the mistake of getting back into dating when you are not prepared, leading to further dating problems and misery.But how can you know when you are ready to start dating. Well, I think there are three tell-tale signs that someone can go back into the dating pool and have success, without sabotaging their relationships, without feeling depressed, and with a sense of fun and adventure. Those three qualities are that you no longer feel guilty about the break up, you are no longer angry about the break up, and you are no longer sad about the break up.How long it takes you personally to get to the right stage where you no longer feel guilt, angry, or sad depends on a number of things. How long the previous relationship was, how much of a shock the break up was, and how difficult the break up was. But everyone can get to these points. It is not about denying the previous relationship, or pretending all the heartbreak didn’t happen. Rather it is about trying to come to terms with what happened, learn from it, and move on with your life in a positive way. That way you can find a new, better relationship that you will be happy in.

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Starting dating can be challenging

You Are No Longer Guilty

Guilt is a big part of a relationship break up, particularly if it was you that caused the break up. If you have cheated, or just wanted to end the relationship for other reasons, guilt can consume you for a long time. If you have ended up with someone else straight after the relationship, i.e. you fell for someone else and cheated, in theory you will have already moved on and will have started dating again. But that feeling of guilt can haunt you and hold you back from committing fully to the new relationship for some time. You might also start to blame your new partner for splitting the two of you apart (though obviously you only have yourself to blame). Either way, this guilt can linger and you can lay awake at night thinking about what you have done, and how you should have acted differently.What you have to remember is that was has happened has happened, and you will have to live with that. Over time the feelings of guilt will subside, but the lingering shame is what will drive you to never make the same mistake in the future.If it was not you who ended it, you may still suffer from some guilt over the end of the relationship. Did I do enough? Should I have acted differently? What did I do wrong? The guilt about what might have been can be strong, and can have a big negative effect on your life and personality. You will feel guilty about letting the relationship get out of control, and turning your partner away from you. It is important to not let these thoughts get out of hand though. Though it is a good idea to learn from any break up, do not put all the blame on yourself, particularly when you are the one wronged. Learn from anything you think might have gone wrong, but do not let the guilt stay with you – that is for the other person.

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Make sure you are ready

You Are No Longer Angry

Anger is one of the first emotions to pop up its ugly head after a break up, and can stay around for a long time. If you have been cheated on or left out of the blue, the anger you feel can feel like it is insurmountable, as you carry it with your everywhere, every day.In fact, some people become too attached to this anger, as they feel it gives them purpose, and is the right emotion to feel after a break up. Though it is exactly how you should feel straight away, it can become dangerous if you let it linger. This is how people become sad, lonely, and mean in their later lives, because they were unable to let go of that anger from previous relationships.Allow it to drive you straight after the break up, making you into a better person and pushing you further, but make sure you have control of it, and that you eventually let it subside. Though it might always be there at the back of your mind, you should be able to get to the point in your life when you are able to forget about the hard times, and just enjoy the good life you have now.

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Get out and have fun

You Are No Longer Sad

Obviously people feel very depressed after a break up. Again, it is par for the course. Wallow in this self-pity for a while, but again, do not let it take over your life. Allow yourself the few weeks to shut yourself off form the world, eat ice-cream and watch crappy movies. But you still need to realize there is a whole world out there for you to explore and enjoy, and you are still capable of doing so, either on you own, or with someone new. There will always be sadness related to past loves, but do not let it swap the happiness of future ones.

Is My Boyfriend Still Interested After All This Time?

It is inevitable that relationships wax and wane. When you start out in a new relationship, everything is fresh and exciting. You are constantly learning new things about each other, exploring life together, and having more and more fun on a daily basis. But as you get past those first few months, relationships gradually settle into more routine and that initial frisson of excitement dies off.

It is at this point that most relationships fail. That is because humans do not really like boredom. We want things to be constantly new, novel and exciting, and we want life to always throw up surprises. This means that people, especially men, think that once that initial spark has gone, the relationship has died and it is time to move on. For women, this can be devastating, as it is only at this point that you are really starting to get to know each other.

If you are worried that you boyfriend is starting to lose interest though, it doesn’t have to signal the end. In fact, as long as you can navigate these rocky waterways, you relationship can come out of it much stronger than before, and ready for your future together.

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It isn’t your fault

Understand It Isn’t Your Fault

This is the first thing to get into your head. Just because he does not want to have sex every night and is constantly lusting after you does not mean that you have done anything wrong or that he wants to move on. It happens in every relationship. That initial flurry or romance and adventure has to ebb away over time, and we all settle into a routine.

Unfortunately this is the point that our emotions often catch up with us, as does doubt. It is this doubt that can become a problem. Instead of you offering him sex all the time, now you are questioning him and arguing more. This puts him on the defensive and makes you look like a harridan. It is this then that pulls the relationship apart, rather than any problems to start with.

Everyone wants a beautifully romantic, passionate, and erotic relationship, and for it to run every day and forever, but that is not the real world. Once you understand the inevitability of the relationship calming down after a few months, or even years if you are lucky, you can start to see this time for what it is – the transition into the next, stronger phase of your relationship.

Concentrate On Yourself

A great thing to do at this point is to stop worrying about him, and starting thinking about yourself. What you should do at this point is to start thinking about what you really want in life and how to get it. Perhaps you are not entirely invested in the relationship and want to move on? If so, then this is the time to do it. As you do transition into the next phase, you are both becoming more emotionally connected and bonded, and the bond will be harder to break the more you stay. If you want to leave, now is the time to do so. But if you do not, then really do think about yourself, and what you want in your life.

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Get him back

Make Him Want You

It is a truism that once in a relationship, people start to let themselves go. Again, it is inevitable. People get into a rut and start to put on a few pounds. Also, whereas it might be that you would turn up at his apartment in a long coat, high heels, and nothing else, it might be that now you are more likely to great him at the door in sweat pants and uggs.

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Don’t argue

It can be nice to be comfortable together, but it is important that a relationship finds the right balance between comfort and passion. You need time for both. This is why I always recommend any couple set up both a lounge night and a date night, ideally once a week.

On the lounge night, anything goes. You can sit in your pants, eat Cheetos and drink beer while watching Elf, if that is what you want. By having an evening like this together once a week, it makes sure that you leave this slobbery to just this one night and that it doesn’t seep so much into every night of the week.

A date night is the opposite. You dress up, you have a great meal, at home or out, a good bottle of wine, and then you bang each other senseless. This passionate night keeps that flame alive, so that you know you will not go more than a week without a really romantic, meaningful evening together. Of course, it doesn’t have to be the only night for sex, but it can be the night for the greatest sex.