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How To Know When The Time Is Right To Start Dating Again

If you have been through a difficult break up then it can be difficult to decide when you are ready to start dating again. A lot of people will try and force you before you are ready, and if you listen to those people than you might make the mistake of getting back into dating when you are not prepared, leading to further dating problems and misery.But how can you know when you are ready to start dating. Well, I think there are three tell-tale signs that someone can go back into the dating pool and have success, without sabotaging their relationships, without feeling depressed, and with a sense of fun and adventure. Those three qualities are that you no longer feel guilty about the break up, you are no longer angry about the break up, and you are no longer sad about the break up.How long it takes you personally to get to the right stage where you no longer feel guilt, angry, or sad depends on a number of things. How long the previous relationship was, how much of a shock the break up was, and how difficult the break up was. But everyone can get to these points. It is not about denying the previous relationship, or pretending all the heartbreak didn’t happen. Rather it is about trying to come to terms with what happened, learn from it, and move on with your life in a positive way. That way you can find a new, better relationship that you will be happy in.

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Starting dating can be challenging

You Are No Longer Guilty

Guilt is a big part of a relationship break up, particularly if it was you that caused the break up. If you have cheated, or just wanted to end the relationship for other reasons, guilt can consume you for a long time. If you have ended up with someone else straight after the relationship, i.e. you fell for someone else and cheated, in theory you will have already moved on and will have started dating again. But that feeling of guilt can haunt you and hold you back from committing fully to the new relationship for some time. You might also start to blame your new partner for splitting the two of you apart (though obviously you only have yourself to blame). Either way, this guilt can linger and you can lay awake at night thinking about what you have done, and how you should have acted differently.What you have to remember is that was has happened has happened, and you will have to live with that. Over time the feelings of guilt will subside, but the lingering shame is what will drive you to never make the same mistake in the future.If it was not you who ended it, you may still suffer from some guilt over the end of the relationship. Did I do enough? Should I have acted differently? What did I do wrong? The guilt about what might have been can be strong, and can have a big negative effect on your life and personality. You will feel guilty about letting the relationship get out of control, and turning your partner away from you. It is important to not let these thoughts get out of hand though. Though it is a good idea to learn from any break up, do not put all the blame on yourself, particularly when you are the one wronged. Learn from anything you think might have gone wrong, but do not let the guilt stay with you – that is for the other person.

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Make sure you are ready

You Are No Longer Angry

Anger is one of the first emotions to pop up its ugly head after a break up, and can stay around for a long time. If you have been cheated on or left out of the blue, the anger you feel can feel like it is insurmountable, as you carry it with your everywhere, every day.In fact, some people become too attached to this anger, as they feel it gives them purpose, and is the right emotion to feel after a break up. Though it is exactly how you should feel straight away, it can become dangerous if you let it linger. This is how people become sad, lonely, and mean in their later lives, because they were unable to let go of that anger from previous relationships.Allow it to drive you straight after the break up, making you into a better person and pushing you further, but make sure you have control of it, and that you eventually let it subside. Though it might always be there at the back of your mind, you should be able to get to the point in your life when you are able to forget about the hard times, and just enjoy the good life you have now.

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Get out and have fun

You Are No Longer Sad

Obviously people feel very depressed after a break up. Again, it is par for the course. Wallow in this self-pity for a while, but again, do not let it take over your life. Allow yourself the few weeks to shut yourself off form the world, eat ice-cream and watch crappy movies. But you still need to realize there is a whole world out there for you to explore and enjoy, and you are still capable of doing so, either on you own, or with someone new. There will always be sadness related to past loves, but do not let it swap the happiness of future ones.

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Is My Boyfriend Still Interested After All This Time?

It is inevitable that relationships wax and wane. When you start out in a new relationship, everything is fresh and exciting. You are constantly learning new things about each other, exploring life together, and having more and more fun on a daily basis. But as you get past those first few months, relationships gradually settle into more routine and that initial frisson of excitement dies off.

It is at this point that most relationships fail. That is because humans do not really like boredom. We want things to be constantly new, novel and exciting, and we want life to always throw up surprises. This means that people, especially men, think that once that initial spark has gone, the relationship has died and it is time to move on. For women, this can be devastating, as it is only at this point that you are really starting to get to know each other.

If you are worried that you boyfriend is starting to lose interest though, it doesn’t have to signal the end. In fact, as long as you can navigate these rocky waterways, you relationship can come out of it much stronger than before, and ready for your future together.

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It isn’t your fault

Understand It Isn’t Your Fault

This is the first thing to get into your head. Just because he does not want to have sex every night and is constantly lusting after you does not mean that you have done anything wrong or that he wants to move on. It happens in every relationship. That initial flurry or romance and adventure has to ebb away over time, and we all settle into a routine.

Unfortunately this is the point that our emotions often catch up with us, as does doubt. It is this doubt that can become a problem. Instead of you offering him sex all the time, now you are questioning him and arguing more. This puts him on the defensive and makes you look like a harridan. It is this then that pulls the relationship apart, rather than any problems to start with.

Everyone wants a beautifully romantic, passionate, and erotic relationship, and for it to run every day and forever, but that is not the real world. Once you understand the inevitability of the relationship calming down after a few months, or even years if you are lucky, you can start to see this time for what it is – the transition into the next, stronger phase of your relationship.

Concentrate On Yourself

A great thing to do at this point is to stop worrying about him, and starting thinking about yourself. What you should do at this point is to start thinking about what you really want in life and how to get it. Perhaps you are not entirely invested in the relationship and want to move on? If so, then this is the time to do it. As you do transition into the next phase, you are both becoming more emotionally connected and bonded, and the bond will be harder to break the more you stay. If you want to leave, now is the time to do so. But if you do not, then really do think about yourself, and what you want in your life.

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Get him back

Make Him Want You

It is a truism that once in a relationship, people start to let themselves go. Again, it is inevitable. People get into a rut and start to put on a few pounds. Also, whereas it might be that you would turn up at his apartment in a long coat, high heels, and nothing else, it might be that now you are more likely to great him at the door in sweat pants and uggs.

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Don’t argue

It can be nice to be comfortable together, but it is important that a relationship finds the right balance between comfort and passion. You need time for both. This is why I always recommend any couple set up both a lounge night and a date night, ideally once a week.

On the lounge night, anything goes. You can sit in your pants, eat Cheetos and drink beer while watching Elf, if that is what you want. By having an evening like this together once a week, it makes sure that you leave this slobbery to just this one night and that it doesn’t seep so much into every night of the week.

A date night is the opposite. You dress up, you have a great meal, at home or out, a good bottle of wine, and then you bang each other senseless. This passionate night keeps that flame alive, so that you know you will not go more than a week without a really romantic, meaningful evening together. Of course, it doesn’t have to be the only night for sex, but it can be the night for the greatest sex.

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The Best Tips For A Phone Chat Before You Meet Your Online Date

When you get involved in online dating you get a mix of excitement and nervousness. Excitement because you do not know who you might meet, and nervousness, because you do not know who you might meet! Most guys on online dating sites, particularly the major ones are just regular people like you and me, but it would be unwise to just start chatting to someone online and then head out to meet them immediately without getting a better idea of who they are.
That is why I often counsel that having a quick phone chat with someone before you agree to a date is a great idea. It will put your mind at ease, your friend’s minds at ease, and also make that initial meeting with the guy a whole lot easier.

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You can talk over skype

Why Chat

You want to chat to a guy before you meet them for a number of reasons. Safety is the first one and I’ll go into more detail about that below. But when meeting anyone new you want to make sure you are sure you’ll get out of there in one piece. This might sound a bit dramatic, but it can happen to unsuspecting women. A guy might sound gorgeous online, but be not so much in the flesh. If you find yourself in a compromising position with someone like that you will be in serious trouble. If you have talked to them on the phone beforehand, you will have a much better idea of who they really are and whether they can be trusted.
If you talk to them on the phone you will also have better idea of how they actually act. Anyone can write anything online, but it is al to more difficult to keep up an act when you are talking. When you talk to somebody you get a better understanding of them than in writing, and you will have a better gut instinct about whether this person is truthful or not.

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Try and keep it cheerful

Do They Stack Up?

An obvious reason to talk to somebody on the phone before meeting them is to make sure that they actually are telling the truth. Fine, you will not really know how they look (unless you skype), but you will be able to talk to them about themselves, and talk about yourself, in a much safer environment.
A phone chat before a date is really about allowing yourself another layer of protection before you go out for the night with a strange man. By talking on the phone you will know pretty much straight away if they really are a doctor, really are 27, or really English. If you found out these things on the date then a) your night would be wasted, and b) it is far more difficult to pull someone up for lying when they are there with you and have you trapped. On the phone you can say thanks, but no thanks.

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You might like them even more

Stay Safe

Like I say, safety is paramount. If you can talk on the phone beforehand then you will not be as likely to be trapped with a strange man, miles from home and with no support. It is not a foolproof method, but does at least give you a bit of reassurance when you actually go on the date.
Plus you can test the guy a bit, seeing if he really is nice, has a short fuse, or is disrespectful in any way.
A good sign on these negative traits is whether he agrees to the phone call at all. Sure, many men are not as comfortable talking on the phone as women are, so do not expect a long, in-depth conversation like you would have with your girlfriends, but if he says no to the phone call at all, then you should say no to him. Any decent guy would suck it up and put on the charm for ten minutes while you talk, especially if he might get lucky at the end of it.

Of course, this is not something that either occurs to everyone or appeals to everyone. Some people just like that excitement of venturing into the unknown and turning up to the date not sure who they are going to meet. And the vast majority of dates, good or bad, are not dangerous. But as a women meeting someone new, you should always think of your safety, however annoying that may be (shouldn’t it be the guys thinking of the women’s safety?). Tell a friend where you are going, and always meet in a public place. This goes for whether you have talked the guy already on the phone or not.
But if you do have a phone chat with the guy before the date, keep it brief, keep it fun, and, if you are interested, tell him so!

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Getting a Girlfriend: 3 No-Nonsense Tips from Real Women

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Real advice from a girl. Guys Listen !
Real advice from a girl. Guys Listen !

If you find yourself struggling to get a girlfriend and wondering why, then look no further.  There are several reasons you might be having difficulty understanding ladies, and frankly, a lot of them are things you might not realize you’re wrong about.  There’s a reason so many old sayings claim that men and women are completely different – there’s a reason that book “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” is a bestseller.  The truth is, while we’re all human and we all want the same basic things, the way men and women think can be vastly different. Read on for some choice thoughts on dating from real women – you might just learn something helpful!

Not all women want the same thing.

It sounds stupid to say it but it’s surprising how often guys make the mistake of thinking all women are the same.  We’re not.  Just like you and your buddies have different priorities in life, so do all the women you meet.  Going into every date or meeting thinking that this girl will be just like the last one is the dumbest mistake you could make.  Just because a girl you used to date liked flowers and crochet doesn’t mean the one you just got a number from likes those things. And in the same way, don’t assume that every woman you meet is looking for a casual relationship, or looking to settle down, or wants children, or is on a schedule to get married.  Sure, your last relationship might have been quite serious and you might be looking for something that’s going to last, but if you make the mistake of assuming that your prospective girlfriend thinks like you expect her to “because she’s a woman and women want ____”, then you’re setting yourself up to fail.  We’re sorry, but we’re just not that simple.  You’re going to have to actually get to know us and ask us questions rather than make assumptions.  There’s no magical formula for what women want, no matter how much easier it would probably be!

We do care what you look like!

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Dress to impress ! That’s the rule #1 !

No, we don’t mean that you have to be a supermodel or the reincarnation of Adonis.  But just like you guys appreciate a woman that makes an effort, and you think beautiful women are great to look at, and you maybe aspire to having a beautiful girlfriend of your own; we care too.  Do you think a woman wants to take great care of her own appearance for a date only to turn up and be met by a guy who hasn’t shaved and who looks like he’s wearing a suit he borrowed from his father?  Yes, we argue that when you judge us based solely upon our appearance, it’s unfair and shallow. And yes, you could say that us doing the same thing to you is just as bad.  But the tough truth for everyone, men and women alike, is that first impressions count.  You might not get the chance to showcase your fantastic sense of humour and your impressive intelligence if your appearance repels the girl you’re trying to date.  We don’t want or expect Brad Pitt, but if you don’t look like you’ve made an effort, we probably won’t make an effort to learn more about you.  Personality is more important than looks, always – good looks fade over time and if that’s all you have going for you, you’ll be lonely in the future – but you need to be able to get to the point where you can showcase your personality. Make the effort.  We know you expect us to do it, so the same should apply to you.  If your friends lack style, don’t take advice from them – Google is your friend.  Spend some time looking up ways to make the most of what you have.  Get a haircut.  Invest in a nice shirt.  You don’t need to be a fashion guru and you don’t need a tuxedo, and we’re not asking you to be self-conscious either. It’s just not difficult to show that you’re trying to make a good impression, and what we want is to know that you take care of yourself.  If you care enough to make an effort on how you look, it shows that you can take that kind of care in other aspects of your life. In other words, it goes some way to prove you’re not a slob that we’re going to have to wash and dress! If you look really good when we’re with you, or if you work out to take care of yourself even better…or if you really do look like Brad Pitt? That’s just a bonus.

We don’t care about money, not really.

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Don’t try to show off. Just be simple !

Alright, maybe some of us do. Us sitting here saying that there aren’t gold diggers out there is untrue.  There are probably some women who care more about money than anything else, but they’re in the minority and frankly you shouldn’t bother trying to date them anyway.  The average woman really doesn’t mind what you earn or whether you own fancy things.  It’s nice to be treated sometimes and we love to do the same for you – birthdays, Christmas, that sort of thing.  And we’re never going to be annoyed that you splashed out on some flowers.  But it’s never ever necessary to wave your money around for our sakes.  Flashing your cash around isn’t all that impressive, and it’s certainly not interesting in the long run.  Sure, a grand gesture will probably catch anyone’s attention, but it’s superficial.  There’s no substance to it, nothing lasting.  If money really could buy you love, there wouldn’t be any single rich people, would there?

We’re not stuck in primitive times where we need you to prove that you’re capable of looking after us.  This is the modern age – we have jobs and mortgages of our own, so don’t worry about the state of your finances as far as we’re concerned.  We’re happy going dutch on a date, we like inexpensive activities, we understand the current economy.  You look after your own money and we’ll look after ours; there is no need for extravagant gestures to impress us.  We care more about you as a person than the size of your wallet, and it’s kind of insulting to be thought of as so shallow that we need a constant reminder of your level of wealth.  We want your time, your affection and your loyalty, in whatever form that takes, just the same as you want from us.  Spend your time on us, not your money.

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Be a man !

So, there were a few tips to get you started and get you thinking.  But really, it all comes down to mindfulness.  Be yourself around women, show them the respect that you want other people to show you, treat them like real people rather than some mystical creature that you can’t quite get hold of.  Make an effort but keep it real – nobody likes a faker or a show-off.  And don’t overthink things! Getting stressed out won’t help you at all.  There are so many girls out there, finding one you like and who likes you isn’t hard, and if you treat her like a normal person chances are she’ll stick around.