If you have been through a difficult break up then it can be difficult to decide when you are ready to start dating again. A lot of people will try and force you before you are ready, and if you listen to those people than you might make the mistake of getting back into dating when you are not prepared, leading to further dating problems and misery.But how can you know when you are ready to start dating. Well, I think there are three tell-tale signs that someone can go back into the dating pool and have success, without sabotaging their relationships, without feeling depressed, and with a sense of fun and adventure. Those three qualities are that you no longer feel guilty about the break up, you are no longer angry about the break up, and you are no longer sad about the break up.How long it takes you personally to get to the right stage where you no longer feel guilt, angry, or sad depends on a number of things. How long the previous relationship was, how much of a shock the break up was, and how difficult the break up was. But everyone can get to these points. It is not about denying the previous relationship, or pretending all the heartbreak didn’t happen. Rather it is about trying to come to terms with what happened, learn from it, and move on with your life in a positive way. That way you can find a new, better relationship that you will be happy in.
You Are No Longer Guilty
Guilt is a big part of a relationship break up, particularly if it was you that caused the break up. If you have cheated, or just wanted to end the relationship for other reasons, guilt can consume you for a long time. If you have ended up with someone else straight after the relationship, i.e. you fell for someone else and cheated, in theory you will have already moved on and will have started dating again. But that feeling of guilt can haunt you and hold you back from committing fully to the new relationship for some time. You might also start to blame your new partner for splitting the two of you apart (though obviously you only have yourself to blame). Either way, this guilt can linger and you can lay awake at night thinking about what you have done, and how you should have acted differently.What you have to remember is that was has happened has happened, and you will have to live with that. Over time the feelings of guilt will subside, but the lingering shame is what will drive you to never make the same mistake in the future.If it was not you who ended it, you may still suffer from some guilt over the end of the relationship. Did I do enough? Should I have acted differently? What did I do wrong? The guilt about what might have been can be strong, and can have a big negative effect on your life and personality. You will feel guilty about letting the relationship get out of control, and turning your partner away from you. It is important to not let these thoughts get out of hand though. Though it is a good idea to learn from any break up, do not put all the blame on yourself, particularly when you are the one wronged. Learn from anything you think might have gone wrong, but do not let the guilt stay with you – that is for the other person.
You Are No Longer Angry
Anger is one of the first emotions to pop up its ugly head after a break up, and can stay around for a long time. If you have been cheated on or left out of the blue, the anger you feel can feel like it is insurmountable, as you carry it with your everywhere, every day.In fact, some people become too attached to this anger, as they feel it gives them purpose, and is the right emotion to feel after a break up. Though it is exactly how you should feel straight away, it can become dangerous if you let it linger. This is how people become sad, lonely, and mean in their later lives, because they were unable to let go of that anger from previous relationships.Allow it to drive you straight after the break up, making you into a better person and pushing you further, but make sure you have control of it, and that you eventually let it subside. Though it might always be there at the back of your mind, you should be able to get to the point in your life when you are able to forget about the hard times, and just enjoy the good life you have now.
You Are No Longer Sad
Obviously people feel very depressed after a break up. Again, it is par for the course. Wallow in this self-pity for a while, but again, do not let it take over your life. Allow yourself the few weeks to shut yourself off form the world, eat ice-cream and watch crappy movies. But you still need to realize there is a whole world out there for you to explore and enjoy, and you are still capable of doing so, either on you own, or with someone new. There will always be sadness related to past loves, but do not let it swap the happiness of future ones.